1/18/16
(I wanted to use the word grooming in the title, but it turns out: “getting groomed” is a phrase for child molesters preparing their victims.)
We all want to look young and good (or maybe that’s just me?). Beautifying people is a huge industry: from cosmetics to skin care to spas to plastic surgery, they all exist because we want to look like we were monsters that cannot grow old (vampires?). It is a weird phenomena that has been occurring since history started (when is that exactly?). There are stories of people using pearl powder, scorpion stings (early day Botox!), milk (for bathing and drinking at the same time! Wonder if the users became lactose intolerant?), and many more. As I am traveling, I also notice face masks make from horse fat, bee poison, honey, birds’ nest, etc. It is always fun to see and you have to wonder how they came up with all these.
I spent the night on a “sleeper” bus from Hoi An to Nha Trang. While it is not one of the worst rides, it ranks pretty high on discomfort. The normal size tour bus holds 3 rows of reclined seats, and 2 seats on top of one another. It is literally a mobile human warehouse. There is no space for luggage, the seats are hard plastic with very little cushion and it fits people less than 5 ft 10 inches (I could not seat without bending my legs. There is also no partition between the driver and the passengers, so you can hear everything he says to his friends. We stop every 2 hours for bathroom breaks since there is no toilet on the bus (a bus that contained almost 60 people). I finally curled up hugging my day pack, rear facing out, and legs at an awkward angle, while wearing seat belt since the bus swerved a lot, and the railing was only a few inches tall: I could easily fly off my seat). Surprising, I slept on and off until they blasted pop music at 5:45am to signal our arrival.
Since I could not check in until noon, I wandered the street looking for breakfast, coffee and things to occupy my tired mind. I came across some roadside barbers who had set up shops along a wall on a public street. With nothing better to do, I decided to randomly pick one for a shave, and also getting my ears cleaned. It was actually a fun experience: motorcycles were whizzing by and cars honking behind me, as I got a blade near my throat. I was pretty happy until he started picking inside my ears and leaving the residue on my arms as a sign that he dug somethings out of my ear. Feeling sticky win sweat and now wax from my ear plastered to my arm, I actually also let him give me a quick haircut. The result was pretty decent, but I did get an expletive from another barber who waved to me first and I ignored.
In the afternoon, to continue the process of grooming myself (hmm. That sounds a little off..), I stop by a 4 Stars hotel and spa (Galina) for a mud bath spa. Highly recommend by the hotel lady in Hoi An, I went in and was persuaded to do both the mud bath, and get a massage as a package. Sadly, the mud bath was nothing to write home about: they just pumped some mud into a basin and ask you to soak in it for 45 minutes. The massage, however, was something else. While I have not been given a lot of massages; and you know how I love to joke about happy ending; the few times I been to massages were always very professional. This one was just random and full of surprises. It started innocently enough-with me on my back. She started pulling my shorts down really low, but only to realized I had underwear on. After a while, she started suggesting a facial along with the massage, but instead of paying at the counter, I should just tip her generously. I declined, especially since I really did not see her brought along any facial equipment anyway. When I flipped over, she started massaging my chest and it started to get really awkward. She would move on top of me, and get very up and personal with certain parts of my body. (I have to be honest: she is not quite pretty and is a little on the larger side…) Not seeing any response (I am way too sleep deprived anyway), she actually touched my genitals. When she realize I had zero respond to what she was doing, she hurriedly finished with the massage, and told me not to let the front desk know what happened. I relented and went back to the changing room, o kt to find her right outside the bathroom door when I was exiting. I walked past her and left without saying anything.
As I was eating dinner, I wondered: how many guys have she harassed, and how many actually said yes? Also, more importantly, what is the going rate for a black market facial and a handjob? I mean, I don’t want to over pay if I can help it. On another note, from what she did, I assume there are actually many guys who get massages and try the mud bath here too (well, I guess most left after ending happily?). I guess it is the normal human desire to to look radiant relax and beautiful all times, especially after a vacation. While I am not a fan of her “extra” service, maybe she is doing others a favor (and having some favors?). If I should not judge what people do to make themselves look good, who am I to judge what service is paid for and rendered for a relaxing time?
(I still feel icky though. First ear wax on my arms. Then I laid on a bed that probably had lots of things that ended happily on it….)
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